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K's Story

I had been suffering from depression for over 30 years. Frank and I married in England. I was a happy person then. We returned soon after to my home place in Clare and it was then that my problems began. We started our family of seven children and as time went by I was getting less and less happy with myself and with people around me. I went to my doctor and she put me on medication and I was on them for twenty years. Each time I went to the doctor she increased the dosage until I was on the strongest dose permitted. Life was just misery. I would pray that I would never wake up again. I spent most of my days in bed feeling sorry for myself and just to be alone. I could not stand to be around the house when Frank and the family were talking or laughing, because I thought it was about me.

Ten years ago I changed me doctor and he wanted to go into the local psychiatric hospital. To me that was the worst thing he could have said. I thought you needed to be mad to be sent to those places and what about the stigma? Eventually I was put into hospital and went through many different treatments and medication in an attempt to solve my problem. The next six years were not much better. I always felt a big lump in my chest and it seemed to be getting worse. I often took the carving knife and put it to my chest to make an opening and get whatever was there out, but I hadn’t the courage to dig deep.

One night four years ago I saw a programme on TV, it mentioned support groups and what I heard appealed to me. I felt it would be good to go to something like that. The first meeting meant nothing to me but after about 6 months I really settled down and I got back my personal value and a sense of what I was worth. I began to see things as they should be seen and I also learned that I was not the only one with the problems. A lot of people felt as bad as I did and I could talk to them openly

In February 1992 I talked to the group about coming off medication. I was encouraged to have a go and also to seek the support of my doctor. She agreed because, as she said, she could see the strides I had made since I joined the group. I had changed from being the helpless patient to being able to decide what I wanted. I achieved my goal gradually and moved completely off medication by 16 November 1992. First it was one day at a time and then the days grew into weeks.